i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He passed out mid-signature
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
