You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
