You don't have asthma, your pregnant
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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