haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
