susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
