6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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