i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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