I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When did angry sex become our thing?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
