I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh god it's open bar.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
