It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize