I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
