Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
