I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
