I'm jealous of your bromance
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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