i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
