it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
