Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
