I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
