how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
