last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
