I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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