Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
