so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
