12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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