Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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