If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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