I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
