So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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