I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
