Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
