you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
