How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
