Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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