I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
