I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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