Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
