McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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