Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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