Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
