Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
