I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
