i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
