Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
