I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wear drunk well.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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