sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
