you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
