Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
