he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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