I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
