If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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