Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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