I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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