Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
