I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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