Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
