If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
