Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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