I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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