There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
