I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
