PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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