You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
