Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
