I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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