on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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