And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
