is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
