fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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